My Princess - Season 7

As Doug wheels a body bag out and J.D. pushes in a new patient on a wheelchair, Kelso tells all the staff about his new rule: anyone who doesn't go home after their twelve-hour shift will be suspended and docked one day's pay. Elsewhere, Elliot is stumped when she can't uncover what is wrong with her new patient Marion. As two interns play diagnosis Jeopardy, J.D. complains to Dr. Cox that a few months earlier Elliot tried to kiss him and now she's saying J.D. was the one trying to kiss her. Cox is a stone wall, getting up to leave before his good day gets any worse. By the time Cox gets home to Jordan and Jack, he's had a terrible day, and has to then take over parenting duties by telling his son a bedtime story.
○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Cox's fairytale begins with the usual suspects lined up and dressed for the occasion. Once upon a time on the outskirts of a village called Sacred Heartily, Princess Elliot needed help with her maid Marion. The village idiot, J.D., arrives to assist, bragging of his bravery in saving a fish from drowning. The Princess explains that her Maid Marion is suffering from a monster disease. Turkala, a two headed witch, then appears, offering help. The witch tells the Princess and the idiot to meet her at the village drug store for a magic potion.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
The story continues as the idiot and the Princess ride to the village on a mule where the Dark Lord Oslek appears and warns, "Everyone who enters the forbidden forest shall disappear!" Back in the hospital, Doug stays longer than his shift and is "banished" home without pay. Elliot and J.D. ask Turk and Carla if the lab results for Marion are back. Carla has worked some magic and hands the results over â€" they are negative. Elliot still doesn't know what is wrong with Marion.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Back in the story, Princess Elliot uses a dove to "page" her handsome Knight Percival Cox. Her savior arrives and fights the monster disease with his sword but is foiled when the witch Jordan interrupts and turns out the light. Unable to finish the story, Cox sneaks back into Jack's room to complete the adventure. The knight Cox is defeated by the monster disease, but tells the Princess and the idiot the monster can only be vanquished by a gold ring.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
In the forbidden forest the giant tells Princess Elliot and J.D. the Idiot that evil Oslek will catch them as he is near. In the hospital, J.D. and Elliot are hiding from Kelso after their shift ends, but he catches them and banishes them to his office where he threatens to suspend them. Back in the forest, the Princess and the Idiot look for the gold ring but can't find it.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
J.D. remembers the interns playing diagnosis Jeopardy. The answer to their quiz is the answer to Maid Marion's disease. The Princess and Idiot find the gold ring and race through the village to save Maid Marion. Back at Sacred Heart, J.D. examines Marion's eyes. Seeing a gold ring around her retina, he diagnoses Wilson's Disease. They are now able to treat her and all hopefully live happily ever after.

My Waste of Time - Season 7

Since Dr. Kelso quit, things have changed at Sacred Heart. Namely, Dr Cox has been made Chief of Medicine but he doesn't want to deal with all the paperwork, including signing a settlement form from a drug company whose drug Plomox has been linked to deaths in diabetic patients. Meanwhile, with Carla's blessing, Turk has decided to get a prosthetic testicle. Janitor exercises his democratic flag planting rights and claims Kelso's former office in the name of the newly formed Brain Trust, of which he has assumed leadership over fellow members Doug, Todd and Ted.
○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Jordan is irate, demanding updates every fifteen minutes on her daughter's surgery, or she'll have Chief Dr. Cox exercise his new power and fire the nurse. Meanwhile Ted strides into Cox's sight, introducing himself as the new Chief's invaluable right-hand man. Inundated with paperwork, Cox tries him out, giving him the lawsuit papers to review. Elliot decides to search for an old patient to whom she prescribed Plomox a year ago, and J.D. gives her a ride so he can pick Sam up from daycare.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
To mark the first night alone since having the baby, Turk and Carla pop a bottle of bubbly, but the cork misfires, hitting Turk in the groin. While Ted is on a coffee run for Cox, Janitor stops him and tells him to be a man and show Cox who's the boss. Ted decides to make a stand and wins a small victory. After the champagne incident, Turk gets his remaining testicle examined by a doctor, who gives him a clean bill of health. Carla, however, insists Turk wear bubble wrap in his boxers to protect his groin and make sure they can have another baby. Elliot has arranged a meeting with her former patient. As she waits with J.D. he admits to her she's not as much fun as Turk. Elliot plays a practical joke on a fast food restaurant manager to prove to J.D. she's as much of a goof as Turk.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Janitor orders the Brain Trust to do his cleaning and Ted leads a revolt, forming his own Brain Bunch. Elliot's prank backfires and the cops are called in when the manager is kidnapped from the restaurant. Waiting for his daughter's surgery to end, Cox is overwhelmed. He has to deal with Turk admitting he's not ready for another baby with Carla, Elliot being unable to find her patient, and Ted finding his fighting spirit, as well as being summoned to the board meeting... again!

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
J.D. asks if Carla wants a baby so bad why is she making Turk have potentially harmful surgery to get a fake testicle and Turk admits he's the one who wants the fake swinger, not Carla. Still inundated with paperwork and chaos, Cox is finally able to escape all the harassment from Jordan when Jenny's surgery finishes.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
J.D. asks Elliot if the real reason she's hunting for her former patient is fear that her prescription might have killed him. He then tells her the Plomax didn't kill him, the guy was hit by a truck. To make up for saying she wasn't as much fun as Turk, he asks if she'd like to join him and Sam for their afternoon latte. While they play happy families, Carla and Turk make up and the Janitor's Brain Trust brings Ted back into the fold, letting him choose their business focus: a card game.

My Dumb Luck - Season 7

J.D. and Turk move patients from the remodeled geriatric wing and some escape, wandering aimlessly around Sacred Heart. Carla and Elliot try to get staff support for Dr. Kelso but no one is willing to speak out. Mr. McRae, a patient of Dr Cox's for the past two years, is back with his mystery illness. J.D. and Turk tell Ted that Kelso is being forced out and in celebration of his impending freedom from his boss, Ted runs naked from the hospital and gets knocked over by Janitor's van.
○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Kelso takes a quiet moment outside by the wall of remembrance with student nurse Boon, while Elliot and Carla stitch up Ted's tongue. Elliot and Carla can't figure out why no one will support Kelso when deep down they know everyone loves him. Ted tries to argue to the contrary, but he can't speak. Jordan suggests Carla and Elliot confront the Board at the meeting that evening. Janitor also offers his help, as he can control people's minds with magic.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
J.D. and Turk extend an olive branch to Cox after earlier trying to bait him about his lack of diagnosis. He gives them Mr. McRae's sample that needs to be taken to the lab for tests. Kelso still has Boon trapped outside listening to his rambling memoirs of forty years of medicine, while pensioners meander unattended around the hospital grounds. Elloit and Carla ask Cox to help them confront the Board, but Cox admits he can't wait to get rid of Kelso. Cox then asks J.D. and Turk about the sample they delivered for him to the lab. J.D. and Turk realize they've misplaced it and retrace their steps until they locate it sitting on a ledge in the sunlight. Remarkably, it has turned purple.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
J.D. Googles "purple pee" and learns it's a symptom of a rare genetic disorder, of which Mr. McRae has all the listed symptoms. They've solved the two-year riddle. Back in the cafeteria, Elliot and Carla again confront Cox but he isn't interested in helping. When J.D. and Turk tell him of their discovery, he can't believe they found the answer to the mystery illness.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Jordan says there's no way anyone will be able to sway Cox but J.D. has an idea. He tells Cox about leaving the sample in the sun and finding the answer on Google. Cox still won't budge on the vote for Kelso through, who is still telling stories outside. Cox and J.D. tell Mr. McRae they know the name of his condition, but there is no cure. He seems happy just to know the name of it and Cox has an epiphany: It's better the enemy you know...

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Carla, Elliot, Turk, Janitor and Jordan wait outside the boardroom when J.D. arrives with Cox and a group of doctors to show their support for Kelso. The Board asks Dr. Kelso to stay on in front of everyone but now having thoughts about it, and things being on his terms again, Kelso quits and walks out. The staff wonder aloud if he ever cared about the hospital. Boon assures them he did.

My Manhood - Season 7

After a general examination, J.D's patient Mrs. Cropper asks if she needs a pelvic exam. J.D. says it's not necessary when all she has is a cold. But Mrs. Cropper won't let him leave, and tells him to go through her hard. Meanwhile, Turk is on a testosterone overload, challenging everyone in the doctor's lounge to "remote wrestling." In reception, Kelso tells a patient that he doesn't care that he had to wait over two hours for his appointment, and asks if anyone knows how to calm down the other patients. Janitor suggests a duck pond, but Kelso immediately shoots down this idea.
○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Incensed by Kelso, Janitor decides to start a tabloid newspaper with Todd, Doug and Ted titled "The Janitorial." Ted is nominated as the investigative reporter no one will ever notice is around. Back in the wards, Elliot uses the men's room, as the women's restroom is closed for cleaning, and overhears Kelso on the phone with his wife. He's telling her that Sacred Heart's Board is going to force him to retire because of his age. She realizes she has to do something to help him, but what? Knowing the TV helps lull Sam to sleep, J.D. asks Cox if they can watch "The Sound Of Music." Cox agrees but Turk says J.D. has to wrestle him for control of the remote. A photo of the guys wrestling makes the cover of The Janitorial and J.D. and Turk get poster-size copies. Cox thinks J.D. is satisfied being a wimpy role model for Sam.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Elliot feels sorry for Kelso and offers to help, but Kelso refuses. Overhearing their conversation, Carla introduces Elliot to John, her new patient, and asks what her secret is. Elliot refuses to tell. The first issue of The Janitorial is a success, and the tri-daily needs another issue before lunch. Cox thinks the paper is stupid and accuses Janitor of printing a fake interview with him. Janitor doesn't care and brushes him off. Meanwhile, Mr. Cropper confronts J.D. about the marks on his wife's back but before he can assault him, Turk steps in as the alpha male and intimidates the man into backing down. Cox shakes his head at J.D.'s wimpy reaction to the confrontation.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
When Elliot requests tests for her patient John, Carla wrongly guesses the secret she's keeping is that she is pregnant with Kelso's baby. Meanwhile, spending some quality time on the toilet, Cox reads The Janitorial which reports that his stinging personality is actually a big front he puts on to protect his vulnerable inner core of sadness, and in fact, all he needs is a hug. Cox is tortured now as the hospital staff all want to hug him. Elsewhere, Elliot tells her patient John he has breast cancer. He refuses to tell his family or accept help from anyone. Back swimming in the alpha-male soup, J.D. wrestles with Turk and knocks him out by accident but takes credit as the tough guy for once.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Elliot can't understand why John is rejecting anyone's help and ponders why guys don't ask for help or share things. In front of Turk and J.D., Carla reminds her about when Turk had one of his testicles removed and only told his closest friend, J.D. Turk soon lets his wife know he didn't tell J.D. -- she just did. J.D. is stunned by the news while in the background, Ted makes hasty notes for The Janitorial. Later, Turk admits he's been over-compensating since his operation. He decides the only way to settle the alpha-male battle between them is to take a "Rocky III" freeze frame of the final blow in a mock fight. They take the shot and both claim bragging rights. Elliot and Carla tell Kelso that they will rally everyone in Sacred Heart to stop the board from retiring him. Kelso doesn't seem to care.

My Bad Too - Season 7

Carla is hyperventilating at the nurse's station, telling Turk that she's missed a parents' meeting for Izzy's playgroup. In her panic, Carla proclaims their daughter will now be kicked out of playgroup, drop out of school and probably end up dating a gangbanger who will eventually shoot Turk in the face. Turk tells her she's the most amazing mother. His assurance calms her and she promises he will have good things come his way for his kind words. In the meantime, Cox delivers another one of his speeches, this time about an obese man who can't stop eating. J.D. has a moment of compassion when a high school burn victim is brought into Sacred Heart.
○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Carla reminds Turk he has to get the night off work because it's the sixth anniversary of their first date. When Cox asks what his big present for Carla is, Turk lets him in on his secret; he has been taking Spanish lessons. Cox berates Turk for taking so long to learn his wife's language. J.D., on the other hand, thinks it's a good thing because they will finally be able to speak to the Mexican day laborers outside the hospital.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Elliot asks Lloyd if being an ambulance driver is different from being a delivery driver. Lloyd replies that it's pretty much the same. J.D. runs into Elliot and gets a second opinion on whether his burn victim will be able to make his graduation that weekend. After she reminisces about her own disastrous graduation, Elliot says no. But J.D. feels for the patient, Emery, and assures him he'll make his big day.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Elliot takes Izzy for the night so Turk and Carla can have a romantic evening alone for their anniversary. When she calls into Scared Heart with Izzy, Elliot finds out J.D. ignored her advice about the burn patient. Back in their love shack, Turk asks Carla if she'll cook his favorite meal, "brinner," a mix of breakfast and dinner. She ignores him, talking on the phone in Spanish, telling her friend she'd cook him brinner if he tidied the apartment once in his life. Turk overhears her and starts cleaning. By the time she hangs up, the apartment is spotless.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Carla unveils lingerie beneath her gown. Turk is torn between Carla and the feast, eventually choosing the food instead of "unwrapping" his present. Turk then announces that Carla gets to pick anything from the jewelry store as her gift. Back at the hospital, Cox tells J.D. that Emery's leg is infected and he can't go to his graduation. J.D. is faced with the challenge of relaying this news without destroying the kid's spirit.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○
Elliot and J.D. concoct a plan to get Emery to his graduation by having an ambulance deliver him. When Cox talks to Carla in Spanish, Turk interrupts. Carla asks how Turk understood and Cox blows Turk's cover by suggesting that Turk learned Spanish to spy on Carla. Meanwhile, back in the ambulance, Lloyd drops Emery off at his graduation. J.D. and Elliot pump him full of morphine so that he can get his diploma wearing his cap and gown over his hospital robes. Carla forgives Turk for hiding his bilingual abilities, in light of the beautiful words he said to reassure her when she missed Izzy's parents' meeting. At the hospital, Carla and Turk have fun by gossiping about everyone else in Spanish behind their backs.